1 00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:27,819 {\an8}So, all in favor of the city of Springfield 2 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,904 {\an8}no longer celebrating Columbus Day 3 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:33,283 {\an8}due to the problematic behavior of Christopher Columbus? 4 00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:34,325 {\an8}Aye. 5 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,703 {\an8}All opposed? 6 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,956 {\an8}Now I'll hand it over to the terrifyingly engaged citizen 7 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,168 {\an8}who has had her hand up since before the meeting began, 8 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,961 {\an8}Helen Lovejoy. 9 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,215 {\an8}I've noticed lately that people have been putting up 10 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,885 {\an8}quite a few little DIY free libraries 11 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,136 {\an8}all over town. 12 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,638 {\an8}What's DIY stand for? 13 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,890 {\an8}Do it yourself. 14 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,309 {\an8}I'm trying to but I can't. 15 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:02,437 {\an8}Just this past week, six new ones popped up. 16 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,230 Hallelujah! 17 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,815 {\an8}Think about the consequences, people. 18 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,150 {\an8}Free books? 19 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,985 {\an8}What if one of them is the Kama Sutra? 20 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,613 {\an8}That's just bait for learned perverts. 21 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:15,158 {\an8}There is no classical art without the erotic. 22 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,285 {\an8}- Ew. - You and me got to hang sometime. 23 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,329 {\an8}I like those little libraries. 24 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,830 {\an8}Unlike the public school library, 25 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,249 {\an8}these have books written after 1945. 26 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,168 {\an8}The children think Iceland is still a kingdom. 27 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,837 {\an8}Oh, these abominations don't follow the rules 28 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,714 {\an8}of my neighborhood association. 29 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,676 {\an8}What if someone paints it an unauthorized shade of white? 30 00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,636 {\an8}Like Swiss coffee. 31 00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,807 {\an8}Homer Simpson here. 32 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,851 {\an8}Today I'm standing, even in the presence of a chair, 33 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,853 {\an8}to say what if we took 34 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,689 {\an8}all the little free book huts 35 00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:48,358 {\an8}and moved them into one big building 36 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,402 {\an8}open to everybody? 37 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:54,197 Do you mean like... a library? 38 00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,453 - He's so slow. - Nothing upstairs. 39 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,580 - Aw, what a dummy. - Idiota. 40 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:06,209 Am I really a stupid man? 41 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,586 I... Well, uh... 42 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,131 Sorry, reflections can't talk. Got to go. 43 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:18,722 You guys say ideas all the time. 44 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:21,141 The one time I say one they shoot me down, 45 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,476 just like they shot down the Titanic. 46 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,687 Actually, the Titanic... 47 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:27,772 Face it, Marge, 48 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,566 you're married to a dummy. 49 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:33,069 No, a dum-dum. 50 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,865 Oh, this big, beautiful head is full of great ideas 51 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,908 just waiting to be set free. 52 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,244 I might be okay if you do that 53 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:43,121 for the rest of my life. 54 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:46,041 I know just the place that will make you feel better. 55 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,253 Did you see how the credit card thing 56 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,672 at the ticket booth told me to remove my card, 57 00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,257 like I didn't know how to do it? 58 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:58,011 Then it got stuck 'cause I didn't know how to do it. 59 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,679 Let's just go home. 60 00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,265 We haven't even seen any animals yet. 61 00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:05,352 So? Even the animals will think I'm dumb. 62 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,395 Oh, don't be silly. 63 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,816 That's just the sound hyenas make. 64 00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,614 Slow Leonard? 65 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,783 I've always loved that tortoise. 66 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,869 I can't believe Leonard is still alive. 67 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,871 The mighty tortoise. 68 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,957 Dumber than me. Loser to the hare. 69 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,669 The tortoise famously wins that race. 70 00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,962 Really? I only read the beginning 71 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,798 of that story really fast. 72 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,758 Then I got tired and took a nap. 73 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,426 I don't see any tortoise. 74 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:44,307 Excuse me, do you know what happened to Leonard? 75 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,476 Leonard? Huh. I don't see him. 76 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,062 That's weird. Well, the thing about a tortoise is 77 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,397 they're always somewhere. 78 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,066 He must have gotten out. Who's in charge here? 79 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,527 I am the director of the zoo. 80 00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,820 Would you like a koala sticker? 81 00:03:56,820 --> 00:04:00,240 Yes, I would. Slow Leonard is missing. 82 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,325 Now, let's not panic, sir. 83 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,327 I don't see him either, but I'm sure 84 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:05,745 there's some explanation. 85 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:06,955 We'll look into it. 86 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,164 Look into it? 87 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,667 I know when I'm being talked down to. 88 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,169 - You think I'm dumb, don't you? - No, 89 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,089 I don't, but do you have a degree in zoology? 90 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,509 No, but I've seen the comedy classic Zookeeper 91 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,469 - 19 times. - I love that movie. 92 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,179 I don’t need your approval, 93 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,515 and neither does Sylvester Stallone, 94 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:29,644 as the voice of Joe, the African lion. 95 00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,438 A tortoise is missing, 96 00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,440 and this dumb guy 97 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,276 is gonna find him. 98 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,825 There we go. A recent picture. 99 00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,454 Mom, it's late, I'm worried. 100 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:50,123 Why isn't Dad at Moe's? Is Moe all right? 101 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,959 He's fine. Your dad's been looking for clues 102 00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:55,211 in those zoo pictures all night. 103 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:59,174 Come on, buddy, you're smart enough to crack this. 104 00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:01,051 Dolly tire tracks. 105 00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:03,720 I bet someone used a dolly to cart Leonard off. 106 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,015 And those treads are clearly from a Haul-Pro convertible 107 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,726 with a weight cap of 500 pounds. 108 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,187 Wow, Dad, how did you figure that out? 109 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,481 Eh, yep, well, your dad knows 110 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,567 a thing or two about dollies. 111 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:20,445 Drive safe, ya bum. 112 00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,448 I think you'll find these photos 113 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:27,327 more than enough proof to open a missing turtle investigation. 114 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,703 Wow, Homer, you're right. 115 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,331 These photos are incredible evidence. 116 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,917 - Really? - Evidence of how dumb you are. 117 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,169 I just love it when regular people think 118 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,879 they can solve crimes. 119 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,590 It's like a dog thinking he can mow the lawn. 120 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,260 - Aw. - Look at... 121 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,553 Hey. 122 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,265 No one takes me seriously. 123 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,851 You know, there's a lot of specific interest groups 124 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,019 on Facelook. 125 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,896 I'm in one about knitting mug cozies 126 00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,399 with a little window so you can read the funny message 127 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,733 on the mug. 128 00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:01,111 Why don't you check to see if there's a group 129 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,696 about Leonard's case? 130 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:06,449 Social media? Is that website still on? 131 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,285 Hey, there is a missing tortoise group here. 132 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,705 It's called Lost Leonard! 133 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,873 But what if they say I'm stupid 134 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,583 or drag me in the comments? 135 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,752 Do you know how scary it is in this climate 136 00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,170 to be a dumb white man? 137 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:20,964 You care about that turtle. 138 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,299 I think you'll feel better if you try. 139 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,760 The police don't believe me, 140 00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,555 but I'm posting some photos that I think prove 141 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,516 that Slow Leonard has been kidnapped. 142 00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,231 Dad, they're agreeing with you. 143 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,233 They think Leonard was stolen, too. 144 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,860 Really? Oh, my God. 145 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,611 {\an8}A group of anonymous cyber sleuths 146 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,946 {\an8}don't think I'm an idiot. 147 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,656 They like what I said. 148 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:50,410 That tickles. 149 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,287 The Internet thinks I'm smart. 150 00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,502 Okay, this is Homer S. live streaming 151 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,171 to the Lost Leonard Facelook group 152 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,798 from the scene of the crime. Are we all on? 153 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,346 How convenient. 154 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,348 They're replacing Leonard with a much more 155 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,974 Instagrammable animal. 156 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,685 One that can fit into baby clothes. 157 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,271 Maybe we have our motive. 158 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,523 - Of course. - Brilliant. 159 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,151 Thanks, guys. I do what I can, 160 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,861 which is a lot. 161 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,780 Look at this, dream team. 162 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:30,033 A video doorbell across the street from the zoo. 163 00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:32,202 How convenient. 164 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,621 {\an8}Oh. It's actually very convenient. 165 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,541 Simpson, what can I do for you? 166 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:41,211 For us. I don't know if you've heard the terrible news 167 00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,213 that Slow Leonard has been kidnapped. 168 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:45,048 What?! Not Leonard. 169 00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,092 Why couldn't they have taken one of those damn 170 00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,094 barking seals instead? 171 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,098 When do you monsters sleep?! 172 00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,433 I'm a member of a team of cyber sleuths 173 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,685 searching for Leonard. 174 00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,770 Can we look at your door camera footage? 175 00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,522 Oh, of course. And, um, 176 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,065 I'd love to join the group. 177 00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,359 But, uh, you guys probably already have, 178 00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,236 uh, a superintendent. 179 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:09,614 We do now. 180 00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:11,533 Marge. Marge. 181 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:14,744 Marge, fan out those cocktail napkins. 182 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,122 Or did you not watch the TikTok I sent you? 183 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:19,040 Calm down. 184 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,583 I've never seen you this excited 185 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,876 for a meet and greet. 186 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,504 Yeah, so who's coming to this thing again? 187 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,880 Internet randos? 188 00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:27,590 Let me tell you something, son. 189 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:30,677 Every human being is born an Internet rando. 190 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,303 And then they stay Internet randos 191 00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,264 until they connect over a cause. 192 00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,266 And then and only then do they achieve 193 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:40,437 their full potential and become not random. 194 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,564 Dad, is that really... 195 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,441 Duh, yes. Paella. 196 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:47,068 What do you think all this toasted saffron is for? 197 00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,737 You've never toasted us anything. 198 00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,113 Not even toast. 199 00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,198 I don't need to show off for you, Marge. 200 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,742 You already bought the cow. 201 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:56,453 I finally have a group of friends who think I'm smart. 202 00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,455 Who haven't used a skeptical emoji 203 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,749 with a monocle even once with me. 204 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:02,751 They're here. 205 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,461 Keep stirring gently, slow. 206 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:07,130 Like stirring a baby. 207 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,424 Thanks for hosting, Homer. 208 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,801 I would have, but my infinity pool broke. 209 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,470 Its edge is now finite. 210 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:16,473 I'm up to my eyeballs in contractors and physicists. 211 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:20,352 Come in. Oh, you all look so much like your avatars. 212 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:23,271 I got paella, of course, a big-screen TV 213 00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:24,814 for viewing surveillance footage, 214 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,024 an evidence board 215 00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,859 and, of course, yarn for connecting 216 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,362 our seemingly unrelated photos. 217 00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:33,573 Um, is this genuine Mrs. McClellan's Evidence Yarn? 218 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,908 Fancy. 219 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,410 Why, yes, it is. Illuminati strength. 220 00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:40,663 Nine out of ten scientists are afraid of it. 221 00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:46,294 I'd like to thank Homer for this extraordinary paella. 222 00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:50,507 My mouth would swear it is in Barcelona. 223 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,434 Hey, uh, uh, not to go down a rabbit hole, 224 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,353 but this plot could go deep, 225 00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:05,897 and the one person we haven't looked at yet 226 00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,857 is the zoo director. 227 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,360 The zoo director. Um, Gil, 228 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,113 - isn't that a little desperate? - Hold it. 229 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:16,074 There's one thing you need to know about this paella party. 230 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,284 There are no bad ideas. 231 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,370 Nothing said here is stupid. 232 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,454 Mm-hmm. 233 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,456 - Mm... - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 234 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,125 Oh, then I want to say I agree with Gil 235 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,461 about the zoo director. We should board it. 236 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,214 Has anybody dug through the tortoise scat yet? 237 00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:34,009 Maybe he was being used as a drug mule. 238 00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:35,385 Board it. 239 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:38,888 Perhaps Leonard's seed was required by scientists 240 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,932 who want to breed slower horses. 241 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,142 - Uh, board it! - Board it! 242 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,561 Uh, h-hey... 243 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,229 how about that? 244 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:49,232 The yarn knows something we're still figuring out. 245 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,109 We're gonna find this turtle, 246 00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,903 but damn it, we found love along the way. 247 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:57,574 Oh, oh! What if the turtle was taken by a billionaire 248 00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:00,326 to transfuse his blood for longevity? 249 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,369 Board it. 250 00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:02,871 Mom, are we worried 251 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:06,624 this group is crossing into the conspiracy theory zone? 252 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,586 Mmm, as long as he's got a heavy hand with the saffron, 253 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:10,628 who cares? 254 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,630 Well, these people are finally 255 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,549 taking your father seriously. 256 00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,633 He's not used to that. 257 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,927 Bart, you're always telling him 258 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,429 his ideas are dumb. 259 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,723 And, Lisa, you're always proving it. 260 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,225 He deserves a chance to be a big fish 261 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,769 in a small, weird pond. 262 00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,479 So let him have this. 263 00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:29,064 It's all harmless enough. 264 00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:30,732 So it's decided. 265 00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:33,735 We're protesting in front of the zoo director's house. 266 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:37,405 I shall bring the milk in case they tear gas us. 267 00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:38,823 Mm... 268 00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,658 We can't be more emphatic, 269 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:43,078 we think Leonard's in your attic. 270 00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,829 Please stop these protests. 271 00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,706 Why would I kidnap an animal? 272 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,124 That's what a zoo is: 273 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,001 a bunch of kidnapped animals. 274 00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,671 It's the cops! 275 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,467 If you're gonna pepper spray me, do it fast. 276 00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,219 I don't have much phone battery left. 277 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,472 Calm down, I'm not here as Police Chief Wiggum. 278 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:05,141 I'm here as Clancy Wiggum, a simple civilian 279 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,018 hungry for turtle justice. 280 00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:08,520 Justice you'll never get from 281 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,772 a cold, faceless police department. 282 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,941 Uh-oh, body camera's on. 283 00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:15,276 Don't worry, I can erase it with a paper clip. 284 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,237 They, uh, they taught us how. 285 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,155 I need to say something to a woman 286 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,949 I'm very much in love with. 287 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,992 Lizzie, before this group started, 288 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,371 I was in a shell of my own making. 289 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,831 Oh, my God. 290 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:30,333 So I'm poking my head out and asking 291 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,002 in front of our new best friends, 292 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,504 will you make me the happiest man 293 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:36,297 on this flat earth? 294 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,134 Yes, yes. 295 00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,844 I can't wait to spend the rest of my life 296 00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:43,013 taping together shredded documents with you. 297 00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:45,515 - Hooray. - Aw. 298 00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:47,392 Sure, the wedding planning is a lot of work, 299 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:50,854 but the group is also learning how to sweep for spyware 300 00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,272 and pick locks. 301 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,775 That's why all our doorknobs are in that basket. 302 00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:59,654 Homie, I wonder if your cabal's ideas 303 00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,906 are getting maybe a little 304 00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,908 too far out of the box? 305 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,368 Thank you, Marge. 306 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,786 You know what's inside boxes? 307 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,205 Styrofoam peanuts and lies. 308 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,332 And I'm tired of being fed both. 309 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,043 - The beauty of this group is that - Hmm? 310 00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,211 - we always support each other. There isn't one theory - Hmm... 311 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,838 - about Leonard that's right. - Mm. 312 00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,382 They're all right. He could be anywhere. 313 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,676 - Like the kitchen? - Exactly. 314 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:25,972 {\an8}No, he's literally in the kitchen. 315 00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,724 Homer, 316 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,268 did you kidnap Leonard? 317 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:35,023 No, I didn't commit the crime. 318 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,858 I did something much worse. 319 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,819 I solved it. 320 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:48,828 {\an8}Why the hell is Slow Leonard in our house? 321 00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:50,413 {\an8}Do I have to tell you? 322 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,582 {\an8}Can't we just accept this as the new normal? 323 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:56,419 There's a 500-pound tortoise chewing on my kitchen table. 324 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,088 It's not normal. 325 00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:00,090 Okay, here goes. 326 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,424 After our protest, 327 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,802 I went back to the tortoise enclosure 328 00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:05,720 for one last look. 329 00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:07,889 Huh? 330 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,308 My doughnut hole! 331 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,728 Ooh, ooh! Aah! Ow, ow! 332 00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:15,522 Mm? 333 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,691 That's when I discovered a doughnut hole 334 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,734 will always return to its mother 335 00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,945 a larger hole. 336 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,906 Leonard. You weren't kidnapped. 337 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,075 You were right here all along. 338 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:30,286 Wait, so after following all those crazy leads, 339 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:33,998 you found Leonard by going down an actual rabbit hole? 340 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:37,168 - Yeah, so? - Don't you see the irony? 341 00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:40,046 Oh, now I don't get it. 342 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,339 Anyway... 343 00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:44,509 Guys, you'll never believe it, but I found... 344 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,969 Just hold that thought. 345 00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:48,805 I made us all evidence collection fanny packs. 346 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:52,142 Which we'll all wear on the pedal bus pub crawl. 347 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:53,560 Are you coming, Homer? 348 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,687 There's a guac trough in the middle. 349 00:14:56,980 --> 00:15:00,066 If I told 'em I found him, the group would end. 350 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,985 How could I let that happen? 351 00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:06,072 Those friendless weirdos have become my best weird friends. 352 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:08,825 They're the only people who don't say "Einstein" 353 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,327 after "great idea," or "Sherlock" after... 354 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,205 Oh, you have to tell them the truth. 355 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:16,583 Well, the truth is different these days. 356 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,960 It's more of a hunch you're willing to die for. 357 00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,462 No, it's not! 358 00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,672 But tomorrow Gil and Miss Hoover are getting married 359 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,341 on Chem Trail Island, 360 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,343 and we're all going to wear matching head shields 361 00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,845 so that Bluetooth can't steal winning lottery numbers 362 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,138 from our brains. 363 00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:32,140 Homer, you solved the mystery. 364 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,310 This confederacy of nutsos has gone too far. 365 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,395 You're all acting dumb. 366 00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:39,314 Dumb. 367 00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,024 You think I'm dumb, Marge? 368 00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:42,567 Just like everyone at the library 369 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:45,362 and all the other smartypantseseseses 370 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:46,988 in this town? 371 00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:49,949 Well, you can't shame me into turning my back on my people. 372 00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,786 I'm going to that conspiracy-themed wedding. 373 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,371 And you're no longer my plus-one, 374 00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:57,540 which is your loss because I'm at a great table. 375 00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:01,211 Equidistant from the bar and the bathroom. 376 00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:04,255 I don't know any history ♪ 377 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,718 It's all one big conspiracy ♪ 378 00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:13,223 ♪ I can't prove there are science books ♪ 379 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:16,559 ♪ Bunch of experts spouting gobbledygook ♪ 380 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:21,064 ♪ All I know is that I love you ♪ 381 00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:23,900 ♪ And there's microchips in Charleston Chews ♪ 382 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:28,363 The virus was caused by 5G. ♪ 383 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:32,909 To the bride and groom, who, in uncovering 384 00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,411 a turtle-stealing plot, 385 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:37,414 also uncovered an undying love. 386 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:39,207 Aw. 387 00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,834 Yeah, I, too, have a toast. 388 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,378 To us bringing to justice the zoo director, 389 00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:45,171 who knows where that turtle is. 390 00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:47,257 Who's got ideas? 391 00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,634 Remember, this is a safe space 392 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:52,095 for all dangerous and violent plans. 393 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,764 Easy. We dump a swarm of murder hornets 394 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:57,017 - down her chimney. - Uh... - Board it! 395 00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,768 I can stuff a couple of bricks of cocaine 396 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,937 - in her wheel well. - Board it. 397 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:04,274 Let's cut the brake lines on her brand-new Prius. 398 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:07,193 - Board... - No, don't board it. 399 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,529 Don't board any of it. 400 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,322 - What? - Why? 401 00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:14,117 Because the zoo director didn't do anything wrong, 402 00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:16,453 and punishing an innocent zoo director is... 403 00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,621 a bad idea. 404 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,625 But you said there were no bad ideas. 405 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,587 I was wrong. Most ideas are bad. 406 00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:28,882 It's okay to think them, just don't act on them. 407 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,967 Apostasy! 408 00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:34,137 He's not an "us" anymore, he's a "them." 409 00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:36,639 Them! Them! Them! 410 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,808 Enough is enough! 411 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,478 Look, we have Slow Leonard. He wasn't kidnapped. 412 00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:45,357 Real, living turtle! 413 00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:46,649 Let's talk sense here. 414 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,360 The most obvious explanation 415 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,362 is the one that's before our very eyes. 416 00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,155 - Hey, it's true. - Yeah. - Uh-huh. 417 00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:53,573 Oh, thank God. 418 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,493 This is not Slow Leonard, this is a robot. 419 00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:59,662 A robot built by Homeland Security 420 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:03,208 to scan our tongues to see whom we've kissed. 421 00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:06,461 We'll prove it. Scan him with your robot detectors. 422 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,380 Guys, it is the turtle. 423 00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,215 And those robot detectors are made of 424 00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:12,384 hair dryers and old video games. 425 00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:14,678 Look, we had a great ride together. 426 00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:17,013 The paintball and pinot noir weekend, 427 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,099 the duck boat tour of Shelbyville, 428 00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,600 storming City Hall. 429 00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:22,894 It felt so good to be part of a community 430 00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:25,063 Where we're all respected and supported. 431 00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:27,524 But we can't pull our heads inside our shells 432 00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:30,235 and hide from the very real truth: 433 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,904 our lost turtle has been found. 434 00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:38,368 I cannot believe I'm saying this. 435 00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:40,036 It's not a robot. 436 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,205 Dr. J, super dunk! 437 00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:44,207 But what happens to all of us 438 00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:46,167 when we don't have anything to solve? 439 00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:47,877 Nothing has to change. 440 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:51,006 We have more in common than just the tortoise, don't we? 441 00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:53,008 Well, we must. Right? 442 00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,803 Aw, nuts. 443 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,555 Oh, great. 444 00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:01,641 Now I have to get this lasered off. 445 00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:04,561 I love being in this group, but it's over. 446 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,229 And now I and the rest of us 447 00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,772 have to go back to a world where 448 00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:10,066 everyone thinks we're dumb. 449 00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,613 Unless 450 00:19:15,697 --> 00:19:18,241 we find a new mystery only we can solve. 451 00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:19,701 Like... 452 00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:23,788 Where does calamari really come from? 453 00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:26,082 Well, the common wisdom is that it's squid, 454 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,586 but I say there's no such thing as a squid. 455 00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:31,212 Board it. 456 00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:33,840 Mmm, that's good squid. 457 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,717 I heard it's pig butt, 458 00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:38,470 but the shadow pig butt counsel spends billions 459 00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,263 quashing those rumors. 460 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:43,016 Board it. 461 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,435 As long as we're blowing each other's minds, 462 00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,270 I've heard there's a cartoon show 463 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,022 that can predict the future. 464 00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,607 Maybe we can watch it 465 00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,609 and find out what's going to happen. 466 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,698 Board it. 467 00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:00,116 Indubitably. 468 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,785 - Making up stuff is fun. - Yeah. Mm-hmm. 469 00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,662 Well, I guess no matter how crazy and lame people are, 470 00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:08,458 they always want to hang with other crazy lame-os. 471 00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:11,795 I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I do wonder 472 00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:15,965 who stands to benefit from all of... this? 473 00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,967 - Space here. - Multiverse! - Board it. 474 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,552 - Okay, that's good. - And here's another idea. 475 00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:20,679 - Oh, that's... - Hold on, I need 476 00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:21,638 - more cards. - Yes! 477 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,310 Our profits are through the roof. 478 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,730 We can't make enough yarn, index cards and ivermectin. 479 00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:32,524 We're in a golden age. 480 00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:34,734 Keep defunding schools, America. 481 00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:37,070 {\an8}Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 482 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,406 {\an8}and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 483 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,783 {\an8}Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 484 00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,498 {\an8}Okay, everybody, today we're making one of my 485 00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:49,666 {\an8}favorite dishes: conspiracy-meeting paella. 486 00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:52,002 {\an8}It's a great dish for blowing the lid off 487 00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:55,672 {\an8}any diabolical plot the mainstream media won't cover. 488 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:59,300 {\an8}CIA murders in your town, UFO stuff. 489 00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:00,593 {\an8}And it even pairs well 490 00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,346 {\an8}with a New World Order scenario. 491 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:05,015 {\an8}Now, this is a dish where the freshness 492 00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:06,850 {\an8}of the ingredients really matters, 493 00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:10,520 {\an8}like this chorizo made from home-schooled pigs. 494 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,605 {\an8}If you're a lizard person watching this, 495 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:15,358 {\an8}instead of using chicken, feel free to go with 496 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:18,653 {\an8}whatever insect or small mammal goes well 497 00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:19,779 {\an8}with Calasparra rice. 498 00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:21,573 {\an8}Well, that's all you need to know. 499 00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:24,075 {\an8}Let me know in the comments how it turned out, 500 00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:26,161 {\an8}and what shape you think the sun is. 501 00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,207 Shh!